Nombre: Gastón
Ubicación: Miraflores, Lima, Peru

martes, 10 de mayo de 2005

Las gitanas odian a Tolkien

A todo el mundo le debe haber pasado. Digo, la necesidad de salir de la ciudad, a solas y perderse en otra totalmente diferente, con otras calles, otra gente otro olor a mar. A mi tambièn me sucediò, asì que metì cuatro trapos en mi mochila y tomè un bus que me llevò a Tacna, en donde tras perderme por sus callecitas y toparme con harto chileno, decidí que era hora de exportar un poco de Gastòn al sur, por lo que chape un taxi y crucè el desierto para acabar en Arica.

Iba de los màs tranquilo saliendo de la calle Bolognesi, en un bonito boulevard al pie del Morro donde chilenos y peruanos se acuchillaron a conciencia y cara a cara (los bolivianos se habían arrancado hacía ya buen rato), cuando camino al malecòn saco mi billetera para tomarme una gaseosa de papaya -esas son las sorpresas que te da salir de casita-, cuando una mano me detiene y me jala.

La-ca, pensé, los choros también hacen turismo alternativo. Así que ahì estaba yo con la cañita en la boca, el cd player en la oreja y la mano apretando la billetera no tan fuerte como la garra que se aferraba a mi brazo. Veamos... a ver, uñas de colores, sortijas, pulseras, olor a gato seco. Rayos!, una gitana, con lo que me gustan a mí los carromatos de colores. Me abordó con la historia de toda la vida, que te voy a adivinar el futuro, te digo con quien te casas, los números de la lotería, en fin, me las ofreció todas, a cambio, claro, de una "pequeña colaboración".

Lo siento, soy turista y no traigo pesos, le dije tratando de zafar, el brazo, pero nada, la tía cual cambista me abrió su canguro (moderna, la antigua) y me dijo que le daban los mismo soles que pesos y nomàs le faltó decir que me vendía Euros o travel checks.

Veamos... fórmulas para espantar gitanas, trataba de recordar en la cabeza, mientras buscaba en las historias de mi abuelo sobre ellas. probé la clásica, la tome de la otra mano y le dije, me quiero casar, giorgio,. La doña como que no me escuchó, pero se me acercó la hija y me dijo, despreocúpate m'hijito y zaz me tomó de la otra mano mientras ofrecía venderme un filtro de amor por... cuánto dijiste què traìas, giorgio?

Unas chicas vieron mi cara de terror al verme atrapado, inmovilizado y apunto de ser estafado, cuando las dos tipas empezaron a arrancarme cabello de la cabeza jurando que lo enterrarían en un cementerio para que me vuelva loco si no les daba plata. Así que como dicen que la desesperación es madre del ingenio, les puse mi cara de mayor seriedad (esa que uso para decir "adelante, con ustedes" y me cuadrè frente a ellas con los brazos cruzados y les lanzè mi maldición.

Annatar Mormekil, Sorondil! Eruvorima, Finrod roverandom y quenya aiya meldo!.

Las tipas empezaron a retroceder así que agarrè moral ratando de hacer memoria en las palabras màgico salvadoras.

Galadriel-Radagast, Gothmog y Adnoandor..tenna rato!

Y zaz, las dos fulanas se desaparecieron antes, supongo de que les caiga un rayo, o màs concretamente dos carabineros que venìan a ver què escàndalo era ese que aquí el señor estaba armando. Acababa de recitar de paporreta y con el mayor descaro, los nombres que pude recordar de mis amigos de la Sociedad Tolkien Peruana, ya saben, El Señor de los Anillos y todo eso. Mucho elfo y mucha magia del buen Tolkien. Y bueno, el profesor hizo lo suyo con su lengua inventada y yo terminè mi gaseosa de papaya.

68 Comments:

Blogger TORTUGA MALDITA said...

Este comentario ha sido eliminado por el autor.

11:27 p. m.  
Blogger Germán said...

jajajaa...

sí recuerdo q cuando yo voy por el centro de Lima también las veo. Y un par de veces se me han acercado. Y una hasta me quiso maldecir (jaaa)por no soltarle plata.

Genial eso del viaje, yo también he estado sintiendo estos últimos tiempos q me tengo q ir a conocer otros lugares. En cuanto me zafe de la univ. veré eso.

Así q tolkien eh, lo tendré presente para la próxima..

2:37 p. m.  
Blogger kat said...

De todos los post que has escrito, es éste el que me ha provocado un ataque de risa.
De sólo imaginar tus gestos, tu cara y tu voz y sobre todo la cara de estas amigas tuyas que pretendían leerte la tarjeta de crédito y cuanto objeto lucrativo tengas encima, pues...
Oh my kat! Postea así más seguido...
Choros(as) a discresión, paso de vencedores...

3:17 p. m.  
Blogger  said...

JAJAJAJAAAA!!!! Ya ves que saber algo de Quenya sirve para algo! Me hizo tanta gracia tu historia que la comenté en blog:C3... Claro que me imagino que tu experiencia jugando rol influyó para que se te ocurra eso de la maldición en lengua extraña; ya imagino las nubes de plasma formándose sobre tu cabeza al proferir tamaño conjuro! (del cual para que nada falte formo parte...)

8:17 p. m.  
Blogger Angel Castillo Fernández said...

Así que Gastón Gaviola no?... Saludos.

1:33 a. m.  
Blogger Arturo said...

ja,ja,ja... buenazo ! Me he matado de risa !
Si por A o B te quedas corto de bille, ya sabes por donde pasar... ubica a esas dos gitanas y diles que por unos cuantos soles deshaces el maleficio !

2:23 p. m.  
Blogger Gastón said...

Superman es Clark Kent, señor Castillo? Deberé matarlo por eso, Oling-ploth, inkarsis. Kari o y yabba dabba duh!
Zaz, estàs muerto.

3:15 p. m.  
Blogger Gastón said...

Ah, Arturo, gracias por el dato, de hecho lo pongo esn pràctica. Es màs ya empeé, viste.
Mi querida Gala, no hay hechizo que valga sin Misha mediante, jajaja.

3:19 p. m.  
Blogger Lady Bathsheba said...

VEo que todos quieren escapar!!
esas cosas que uno jala de la memoria no se de donde,son las que te salvan de cualquier situacion -y mi madre creia que estudiar tantos dragones era por las puras!- una vez le leia las cartas a una amiga, se quedo fascinada de todo lo que le dije sobre los dragones celtas y demas!-terminé ganandome algo rico de almuerzo y su cariño incondicional.

3:39 p. m.  
Blogger Angel Castillo Fernández said...

Disculpe usted, estimado colega.
Ya sabe, los destapes y todo eso a veces le ganan a uno. Muchos saludos, Superman.

3:50 p. m.  
Blogger Dinorider d'Andoandor said...

JAJAJAJA qué buena! no se me pudo haber ocurrido algo mejor que hacer.... nomás que te olvidaste de dinandir, morailin.... peroigual la hiciste! jajaja

8:04 p. m.  
Blogger Gastón said...

Lo siento dinorider, de haberte conocido para ese entonces, con gusto te unía a la maldición tolkienil.

9:01 p. m.  
Blogger Gastón said...

Hey, pero puse Andoandor. Algo es algo, no?
Y lo de querer casarse tambièn es fòrmula que me funcionó, pero siempre en Lima, giorgios.

9:02 p. m.  
Blogger Carolate said...

Nooooooooo!!! Esas eran las minions, pero ahora te van a caer las Vistani en tu jato y luego vendrá el señorcito Strahd y entrará en tu casa cual Peterete en escenario de Televisa...

De todos modos, si te dan tu dominio, me avisas para formar mi party e ir a buscar chamba por ahí.

Pd: También las cosas que te pasan, tío... :P

Pd 2: Aquí los gitanos te venden merca o te roban de buenas a primeras sin lectura de cartitas no más.

1:22 a. m.  
Blogger E666 said...

jajaja, tio que excelente relato, no me esperaba que un recital tolkiendil sirviese para espantar gitanas, esa va pa' la peña ó mejor dicho pa' cuando tenga que ir al centro de lima heh. slds.
E666
p.s: llegué gracias a mi broda C3

3:05 a. m.  
Blogger Gastón said...

Plateada, El Blood o' wine siempre tendrà las puertas abiertas, bruma mediante.
Làstima màs bien que el cuajo no me dio para hacerles unos "pases mágicos" adoptando la posición Goku (la de Sailor Moon no me parecia apropiada para el momento)

2:13 p. m.  
Blogger Sludgeman said...

No entendi lo de giorgio y lo del matrimonio, pero me ocurrio lo mismo hace unos años camino al centro de Lima, llevaba 100 lucas en el bolsillo y la verdad en la unica maldicion que creia era en lo que me pasaria si perdia esas 100 lucas que eran para pagar una tasa. un grantiko palmani zum y desapareci por las escaleras del zanjón...

9:35 p. m.  
Blogger Isabella said...

JAJAJAJAJAJAJAJA! Que buena giorgio!!! JAJAJAJAJA!

A propo, què es giorgio?...

12:34 p. m.  
Blogger TORTUGA MALDITA said...

Este comentario ha sido eliminado por el autor.

1:26 p. m.  
Blogger Gastón said...

giorgio es un "no-gitano", esas personas que en el caso de las mujeres van al colegio asado eltercero de primaria, y en el de los hombres, se bañan seguido...

8:02 a. m.  
Blogger Gastón said...

Giorgio son los "no gitanos", o sea mujeres con màs de tercero de primaria y hombres que se bañan.
Unido al petitorio de casamiento, no solìa tener pierde.

1:39 p. m.  
Blogger Lady Bathsheba said...

pensaba hasta que lei estos comentarios que "no gitano" era "galle"..y bueno..tanto Romane en la tele..me refiero a una novela teleserie chilena muy buena de la cual aprendi harto vocabulario Romane..del cual claro..recuerdo muy poco..hmmm...anyway....

8:38 p. m.  
Blogger jeronymo said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! QUE CHONGO... Q K-GUE DE RISA!
asi que difamando nuestros nombres, mi querido so-nomas de papa???

Kat, no le sigas el mal ejemplo, no usar el nombre de Finrod en vano (si seras, Gaz, usaste mi nombre completo, con estos amigos..pa q quiere uno enemig... jejeje)

Galadriel, Kwenya o Quenya??? jajaja a propo, si hay una maldicion en Quenya (elfico) y la dice el Conde Dook..digo Saruman.

Saruman: Cuiva nwalca Carnirassë! Nai yarvaxëa rasselya taltuva ñotto-carinnar!

a ver quien me la traduce?? jeje.. mentira no soy tan panchobio... :P

Saruman: 'Despierta Cruel Cuerno-Rojo! Que tu Cuerno lleno de sangre caiga sobre las cabezas del enemigo' (termino sesion freaky).

4:26 p. m.  
Blogger jeronymo said...

podriamos decir en el titulo de este post... que si las gitanas odian el lenguaje de Tolkien (porque no conocieron a Tolkien, a menos claro que quieran hacer como mis obligados planes de excavacion en Oxford :P) que es la lengua de los elfos, por tanto odian a los elfos. y Orlando Bloom interpreta a Gaygol...digo Legolas. Ergo, las Gitanas odian a Orlando Bloom!!! HAHAHAHAHA... si o si?

4:29 p. m.  
Blogger Gastón said...

Mano, qué estás fumando en Londres, ah? Pelo de choclo mezclado con té de las Indias?
Y si algún día les lanzo esa maldición a quien sea, el que va a necesitar ayuda soy yo y no las gitanas, jajaja.

8:27 a. m.  
Blogger jeronymo said...

MUA HA HA...creo que un ''Old Toby'' fume o al lado oscuro de la fuerza me pase... jeje.. como sea, ya quisiera yo escucharte exclamar tales sortilegios, seria todo un expectaculo, digno de ver, desde aquellos tiempos en un dia comun en MOrdor... realmente GAston, aunque pocos entiendan este post (aparte de los locos freakies que tu y yo somos) ... cada vez q leo la parte de las frases en Quenya me recontra Kgo de la risa... es buena terapia, tio. Mei de forz bi uit llu.

5:23 p. m.  
Blogger Charecua on the Rocks! said...

Puuuuuuuuuuuuuuchaa, jajajajajaaa. No tienes idea la cantidad de lágrimas que me han brotado nomás de leer éste cuento, mira que había googleado la palabra mormekil y fué éste post lo que me salió primero, jejejee.

Lectura de cartas: $1000
Adivinación de fortuna $550
Que las gitanas huyan ante una maldición de Morgoth: ¡No tiene precio!

12:27 a. m.  
Anonymous Mer said...

jaja! muy bueno!!!

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